The 3-metre rule, notarised

Our house has a rule, and everyone signed it on a notarised document. Minimum proximity to the McIntosh system is 3 m, and nobody touches the audio gear. I signed it too, convinced it was written for everybody else.

A few weeks back into vinyl, a record came off the MT5 distorted and scratchy. I called my dealer, who tolerated me for about five seconds. Then he told me to either execute the cleaning cloth or fire the cleaning lady.

So the questioning at home started with the cleaning lady, went through my spouse and got loud. Then I remembered the night before, friends coming over for a listening session, and me giving the turntable a proper clean myself. Under the workbench light and a magnifier, the cantilever was bent. Not broken, just sad and crooked, caught by my own cloth.

I got in the car in my pyjamas and drove to the dealer, and the price of a replacement nearly made me faint for the second time that day. A $500 cartridge, destroyed by the one person who thought the rule was not about him. Rules around a system are always written against other people, and the hands that do the damage usually belong to the owner.

Cleaning is good. Being careful is better, and the 3 m rule now has one more name on it: mine.